why you / Mom (mom) As I sit here I just ask myself why you? Why my baby? my best friend? Why my son? what did he or I do that made the faiths take him away from this earth? I just do not get why? I miss him so much. Frankie misses him so much. His dad, brothers, grandma and uncle misses him so much. Chelsea, Nick , AJ, Colby and Alex all miss him too. What kind of world is it that allows killers, rapest, drugest to pollute the world and then take kids that just make the world a better place AWAY from those who love them? It just does not seem fair. It just seems cruel. My baby did nothing wrong and was taken away for no damn good reason. This just sucks. Some punk ass kid can shot someone and get away with it and mine dies because he was out having a good time on his bike. Does not quite seem fair. Where is the KARMA in that?
Mine just found his way back to the good side of life. He was happy and was just seeing that life was good and that he could have a future. He found his soul mate again. He could see past the next year. He was HAPPY for the first time in a long time. Then like a lighten bolt it was all taken away from us ALL without a warning. Brandon was taken away from us. No goodbyes. No way to know he would not be here the next day. Just this quick out. No way for us to get what we need to say to out.
So here we are just bottled up with this feelings for him and he is gone. Some totally in love with him, some of us lost without him, some of us just wondering if he is okay, some of us just not sure what the hell to think, some wondering what is there after death, is brandon really around us or is it us just wanting that more than anything, while others are just wondering if he will be there waiting for us when we get there?
He was a good person. An angel here on earth that tried his best here. Then why was he taken? What is the reason my son had to go so soon? My heart is so broken. He helped protect those in need. He was a little strange, there is no doubt, but he was a helper to those in need. A listener. A guide. SO why did he have to go so soon. He could have stayed and kept up his work here.
The world is an ugly place when you think about it all as a whole. Children that do nothing wrong die. Evil people sit in jail for years and years while the poor and everyone else have to pay taxes to support what they did. Paying for them to be there watching T.V. or playing ball and eating each and every day. That SUCKS. While parents have to pay to bury their children all on their own without help from anyone. Kind of makes you want to vomit. There should be some sort of support for parents who have to bury their children. Maybe the governement should get off their asses and think about that.
Most parents ask the question why? Why us? Why my child?But you know there are so many drug addicts, haters around here that I have to ask WHY MINE? he was a good boy. an honor student on his way to the top. he was going places. This just SUCKS!!!! What does this teach us? Besides this REALLY HURTS.
your b-day / Mom
It is your b-day. Your 18th Birthday. I sang to you at 759am like I always did and then I went and cried on the sofa with the thought that you where not there to hold or to hear me. I can not believe that youwill no longer be around to hold or to be here for any of our big events. It is hard to understand that you are just gone like that. Just no longer here. I no longer have my baby here. No longer can hold you or talk to you. You are no longer part of me. I gave birth to you and you are no longer here. Where is the fairness in that? I lost my baby. I lost my pride and joy. MY first born son. My true love, my baby. I miss you so very much it is just so very painful inside. I just was so crushed inside today when I figured out that I can not even see you at all. I close my eyes and it was so hard to "see" you. It should not be "hard" to see my baby. You are in my heart and soul and forever will be there. But I felt today the little bit that I had lost- that you were not in my mind.... I could not find you. Not a clear look at you. It scared me. I have photos of you everywhere to look at so you are everywhere so I can always "see" you. But I can not just close my eyes today and you be there why? It hurt. Maybe just because it was your b-day and I wanted it too much. I do not know. I love you. I miss you.
Your party was a typical Brandon party. SORRY!!! But those who truly loved you were here and that is what mattered in the end anyway right? We have you in our hearts and we carry you with us there each and every day. You are are great person and that is never going to be forgotten my son. Hope the ones on the otherside did something great for you over there to make your day special. I hope you where with us here to. The kids were their typical funny selves. Missing you.
We have for get me not Thursday so we will all be back together again tomorrow. What fun. Not sure it is helping much since it will be only our second time out. The boys might need to go to personal therpy too. Anger is running DEEP in the Cope household the last two weeks and mommy is going NUTS! But they say the "FOG" is gone and now we are moving on. What fun.... Now for the hard part dealing with the aftermath. Losing you. How to deal with it all????? It just hurts so much. They all want so much from me but sometimes I just don't want to give them anything. Take, take, take, and it seems that is it. No help or anything around here. Worse than before you left us. Pity party for one.
Happy 18th sweet heart. i love you more than you ever knew. You where my little boo man. My first baby boy. I would have done just about anything for you. You hold a special place in my heart carman.....:) That is the nickname they have given you now. Busboy, semigirl, and carman. Love ya. mom
a mothers wish / Tammie (mom) There are a few things you wish to see your children do in life when you give birth to them as you sit there and count their toes and fingers. You think about their whole life in just a few moments as you look into their little faces before they take them away to clean them up and do what every it is that they do. You see their first steps, their first boo boo, their first boys-girl friend, their first heart break, their first day at school, to become an adult, then you move on to graduation, College, marriage and kids of their own. You may have even thought about this during the pregnacy like I did. The hopes the dreams you have for your children never go away. You dream about all that they can do and what you want for them. You just hope that you can do the best for and with them in the short time you get with them. 18 years is a short time. Some days it does not seem like it but when you sit back later and look at it you are blown away at just how fast it all went. You wonder if you did your best and hope that you did.
I lost my son before I got to see him finish growning up. Yeah he was a man in size but he was not a man in age. I got to see him change from a little boy that needed me for every thing to a young adult that could handle most things on his own but still needed his mom and dad for so much. He was taken away before a time that we got to see a BIG one. His high school graduation. This to us and to him was something that was a major event. He worked so every hard to keep his grades up and is being wronged by the Anchorage School district in the ruling that they will not let his name we read because he does not have the required amount of credits to graduate. So they are going to stick to their guns and say they he does not make it.
SO me with who I am will fight this in a different way. MR. Stone feels that Brandon worked hard and does not see what it would hurt to call his name as I do not. He is willing to make sure that Brandon gets his tassles , cap and ropes. He was really nice on the phone but said that he talked to Comeau/ mike Henry and they were very much by the book and were not willing to move on this. Who does it hurt? He is died. It might show they school that they have some compassion for the dead. That Brandon mattered. It is just a name on a piece of paper. Who is it hurting?
It is not like anyoe is going to use the diploma for anything. I mean they could just give him an honorary one for christ sake for what it matters. It is just for our minds and hearts. I just want to hear my sons name called and "see" him up there so he can "cross over". I know that is what he needs to finish his time here on earth. But the School District will not see their way with out a major push from us and the people of Anchorage. If the handicapped kids can graduate why can't mine? Mine took the exit exam and had a 3.666 and has 18.5 credits. Is 4 credits short. But if we were to go back and collect Brandon's work credits from AHO and Sports Credits .5 each he would only be missing an semseter of English and his US Goverment class. That is one 1 credit short. Yes still there is no way to get that. He can not send that from where he is.
My wish is to see my son walk the graduation line with his class and smile and cross over into the light. Yeah it will break my heart "again " to lose him, but I know he needs to go and is only here because of me and this stupid wish of mine. I need to see this. He and I worked so hard in his life to get him to this point. Not high school but his whole school life to get him to this point. To say that it all comes down to a few credits just sucks. He worked hard and kept his grades up. Just let him walk the line and let his parents hear his name be called, what harm will it do? For us it would be the world, for them is just means sticking by the book no matter what the emotional reasoning.
My heart is wondering is it is up for such a battle. I hope that it is. I will bring it on for myself and Brandon. There are media and friends that we can use to benfit us in this cause and I will not stop before I turn over each one to see where they go. If it helps or not. Nothing can be worse than losing my son at the age of 17 this summer. It burns each and every day. I know in my heart that he will be there weather they call his name or not because we both know that he belongs there and I will call his name out out loud and make a little graduation phamlet with his name on it, if I do not get what I want in the end. I will see my son cross that line.
Brandon was a strong willed young man and no matter what we will SEE him do what he needs to do. He will this. He will. That is my son. He is like that. No one will stop him. No school districit pricks will stop my son from what he wants.... or needs... or deserves..... Now more than ever cauae he is not of this realm.... and they cannot control that realm. ha.
All I want is to have my sons name read and have him graduated. it does not seem like I am asking for that much.
Always and Forever / Babie Girl (Soulmate) I think about you every day. Only the words that you use to say keep me happy. I remember what you always use to say"dont cry babie girl , smile, you look so beautiful when you smile". The first night without you was the hardest. But I made it through just like you knew I would. Im holding on just like i promised i would. I still miss you the most when im alone. I miss my gardian angel, that protected me from the world in 5th and 6th grade.I miss my best friend, that in 7th grade i would spend hours on the phone with because we went to different schools. I miss my love, the man I'll never forget. The hardest thing is knowing that your really gone. For the longest time I thought I could never live without you again and I was right, cause as long as Im alive your still here.You showed me the darkest part of your soul and I gave you my heart and you loved me for it. There are a million things i want to say. You were the man that i was ready to spend the rest of my life with, that i wanted to give everything to, you were the man that i wanted to start a family with,you were the man that I wanted to love forever.But just like you said"forever isnt as long as you think".I just wish it would have been. There is a song and every time it plays it reminds me of you, "One more Day". The song goes:
Last night I had a crazy dream A wish was granted just for me It could be for anything I didnt ask for money Or a mansion in malibu I simply wished, for one more day with you
One more day One more time One more sunset, maybe Id be satisfied But then again I know what it would do Leave me wishing still, for one more day with you
First thing Id do, is pray for time to crawl Then Id unplug the telephone And keep the tv off Id hold you every second Say a million I love yous Thats what Id do, with one more day with you
Leave me wishing still, for one more day Leave me wishing still, for one more day
It makes me miss you so much but it also makes me realize that i love you so much that I could never have just one more day with you. There was a lot of things that I didn't understand before you left and I still dont. But you' ve made me come to terms with a lot of things.Life is too short not to live it.
For my Senior Quote I said, "Live every day like its your last, cause you never know what will happen".
I love you Brandon , With all my heart and soul I love you. No one will ever replace my Bestfreind. Always & Forever Yours TDDWP 1/23/07-7/20/07
Thanks To DR Bryant and to all / Tammie Cope (mother) Thanks to Dr Bryant for his memorial contribution to Brandon for WEST high Orchestra in the amount of $1000.00. Big Thanks!!!!! WOW! And to all the people Judith Hoppe $25.00 Rick And Angie Schleyer $25.00 Nalani Torres $25.00 Westfall family $100.00 AlaskaGarden and pet $100.00 Nora and Jimmy Hull $50.00 William and Helena Batman $25.00 Floyd & Nona Coleman $50.00 Ophthalmic Associates (send there)100.00 cope/cash $90.00 Alaska Housewares Inc $50.00 Keven Hoyer $35.00 Raymond King $25.00
If any one would like to send anything please feel free to do so. 8140 Seaview St anchorage ak 99502 in care of Tammie Cope or West High Orchestra. Any amount is welcome........ It all helps the kids and the school. first concert is Wed the 17th at 7 pm then the next on is Nov 7th at 7 pm both are at Bartlett. If you would like give there in memory of my son please so.
Having one of those days! You get out of bed and just want to crawl back in. Yeah it is one of those days. I did that but it just did not work out as I wish it could have. Keone showed up and then had to get Coide redy for school which he did not go to becasue he was having a "bad" day to. WE got home really late last night to so for him it was hard to get ready to go but then "you" got on his mind and he "lost it" and wanted to stay home. SO here we are home.
Oh I know you were there but for those people that might not know Codies team Won STATE FOOTBALL game last night for the 5-6 graders. YEAH...... It was great.
Today is one day I just wish I could just call in sick and just stayed in my little world and justed cry. But Having a daycare I can not do that. Luckily Codie is here and he is playing with the kids and that is helping. I am cleaning the house and keeping busy in a different fashion. I met your friend Clesea Monday. She seemed really nice. I can see why you liked her. I wish I would have hugged her but I know I would have cried. I gave her some stuff I though would be nice for her to hand out to some friends. I just feel that WEST is just missing out on being able to greive you. It may seem silly to everyone but I feel that you are forgotten in some way. Dr. Bryant has called Mr. Stone and is going to see about graduation and some other stuff for me. I still need to get your pins for Ms Willis. Things you never really worried about, now I am. It is all I have to finish up I guess. Loose ends.
Ms. Willis classes sent a package with some "cards". Many kids wrote things about you or just thank yous for the donations. I really loved the ones with saying on them. Just to hear little things about you. It was GREAT to hear kids talk about you. Just little things about you. That you made someones day or put a smile on their face. It was heart warming to me. I do not think they even know HOW MUCH it really meant to me to get that. It was such a great gift to me. I wish the school was that open minded. I think it would make me feel that someone there cares that you are gone. That you meant something to that school. A senior should be noticed. YOU were important. You were someone and should have a moment to be remembered.
I love you and miss you. Time seems to show me that it does not matter that it is going on and on. It is hard. Each day is hard. Your presents lost is hard. I cry for no reason. I walk to keep myself going sometimes. Sometimes just to not cry in front of people.
Love and miss you BS. keep showing us you care and are with us!
Big B / Warren Turner (Family/Friend) Hey bro i miss u a bunch and cant wait to see u again. life has been hard for ur mom, dad, codie and jeremie. we all miss u and love u a bunch, ill ttyl Big B.
P.S. stop blowing out the lights in ur brothers room u scared me lol keep the house haunted! later bro
concerts/ Gabrielle (teacher) Thanks so much for emailing this to me, and thank you for the lovely card. The students and I are mailing you a "care package" this week....you should get it in a few days. Thanks again for your tremendous generosity towards the orchestra in memory of Brandon. It was a beautiful gesture....
I would like to invite you to two special concerts dedicated to the memory of Brandon. The first is a concert orchestra performance on October 17th at 7 p.m. in the Bartlett Theatre. The West theatre is currently being remodeled and so we're across town. The second is a chamber orchestra performance on November 7 at 7 p.m. in the Bartlett Theatre. At both concerts the students will be playing a special piece dedicated to Brandon, followed by a moment of silence. Students will also be sharing memories of him with the audience, plus a few other special things. We would be honored if you were able to attend one or both of these concerts.
Thanks for all you are and all you do....you are continually in my thoughts.
Do you remember him like I do? Not in the sense or the way like Most people do. You know; "the friend who was hit by a car this past summer" No, I don't remember him that way.
I remember him as the kid; The Friend; Who was always there to help those in need. The friend who was a saving grace For those who knew him well.
So tell me; How do YOU remember him? "The boy who died this summer"? Or do you remember him as "The kid who only opened up to some people." How about remembering him as who he was; Brandon Scott Cope; the saving grace, Who put all he had to give into Everything he did, no matter what?"
You decide. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Missing you more with each passing day. I'll be talking to you soon. Love you, kiddo.
There is a hole in my heart / Tammie (mother) no words can discribe the pain a parent goes through in losing a child. the hole that is forever burned in our hearts. Our loss is a tragic one. So sudden and sad. Tears run like a river now and the thought of my son no longer here on this earth hurts me deeply. Moving on is the hardest part of it all.
Brandon was my first child, my first true look at what pure love was all about. I learned a lot through and with him. He challenged me and made me ready for his borthers. I had so much more to learn and so much more to teach him. I feel cheated for losing him so young but lucky to have gotten to have him for the time we did. Grateful that I became a stay at home mom and got to be with him and his brothers. To see him grow up, to spend time with him each and every day and listen to him when he needed an ear. I will miss that the most. He was a handful. He had his own ideas about life. He helped so many and was willing to help so many more. His heart was in the right place for the most part. He opened up to a few and if you got to see him for who he truly was you were a lucky soul. He was picky who he called a friend. It was just not something he handed out like candy.
For now we part from this physical bond but we shall be together once more, when I too shed this skin. I feel his spirit close and will hold dear all the close memories we all share of him. For he was truly one of a kind, he was my first born child. I love and miss Brandon Scott Cope, as we all do. But I know that he is with me every single day in my heart and soul as I walk this earth. He will stand by me, and each of us he called his friends and family. His love will not die just because he did. He is too strong for that.
I will smile when I think of you even when the tears come to my eyes for in time the tears will stop and the smile will remain. (Liquid love.) Heartbreak and sorrow are mine to keep me in step with how I feel but in time I will see that you are still mine just not in the way I wish you were. I want to see you on the stand to graduate. Once I do, I know you will be set free to go about to do your thing...TO MOVE ON out of the grey room..... I love you. I miss you oh so much. Please know I will live and move on only because I have to.
Codie said at the wake when some kids were talking about bad things happening to them -"the most horrible thing that has happened to me is that I am only 10 and I lost my big brother." They were all for a loss for words and he went back to playing his gameboy. I was shocked because I did not even think he was paying attention to them and he has been pretty quite. But if you listen you will hear those who need to be heard so PLEASE take a little more time and listen to the quite ones. :)
Codie has been talking a little more lately- he has been talking to his cub scout group- We have had a group talk with Forget me not. Things are coming along okay. Codie misses Brandon so much it hurts him all over. He does not know how to put into words sometimes. We lost our son but he lost his big brother- his best friend who played video games with him and helped him with just about everything. He is lost with out him. Codie is mad at the ambulance and we figure that is okay and he can be mad at them. We are too.
Jeremie is still pretty quite about the whole thing. He talks a little here and there but maybe when we all go to Forget me not in Nov it will help get things started. I just worry about him since he was the one that was there holding his brother the whole time. What a harsh memory burned in his brain forever.
Dale is having a had time too. We are getting hte kids the help we can with Forget me not and they are helping with getting the school on board. Even though I went there BEFORE school started and talked with them to try to get the school on board. But at least they are getting the help they need now. It is about time.
Thanks all for being there for our family in this time of need. mom
Thanks to all / Edna Gibson (Grandmother) To all of you that came out to Brandon's memorial service-thank you from the bottom of my heart----
It was such a moving tribute to my grandson. To have teachers from West High stop by, his family physician to say nothing of family and friends---Over 200 hundrend people choose to spend their day with my grandson and his family-Even with all the rain, you were there. Blessings to all of you. It gave my heart peace to hear what others had to say about him-good and well funny- and I was especially moved when Jeremie, his brother, put the first of the ashes on a soccer ball, (that Brandon's soccer coach -Laurie Lewis-had brought) and it floated down the Knik River to the ocean. It was moving to see all the folks waiting for their turn to release his ashes into the river as well. What a feeling to know how loved he was by all. We are sorry that some had to leave early and did not get that change but it was a great sight. Many mixed feelings I am sure. But this is where Brandon wanted to be.
I was filled with such peace. I know that he was there watching us all and was filled with such happiness that we were all gathered there for him and his family. He lives on in some many us in our memories and then those few that he shared his "gift of life" with. We must remember him as he was and know that he will close to us in spirit. Thank you Tammie and Scott for letting me be a part of your life I love you all so much. I am here for you. Edna (Grandma)
broken hearted / Nikki (good friend ) September 15, 2007 I met Brandon in my Junior Year, He was so intelligent, like a role model. To hear this, its just breaks me apart, I am truelly deeply sorry for your loss. Nikki (AZ)
I love you / Chelsea Crabill (friend) July 29, 2007 You were the greatest friend a person could ever ask for. You will be greatly missed, and you are truly loved. And you will live on in our hearts forever. I love you, Brandon.
Best wishes to his family and friends. Chelsea Crabill (Anchorage, AK)
so sorry / Grandma Judy (Great grand mother ) August 20, 2007 Tammie, Scott, Jeremie, & Codie Tammie and Scott there is no greater loss than the loss of your first born son. My heart aches with you in your loss. Time will lessen the pain, but with God's love you will be able over time to heal and remember the beloved memories you have of Brandon.
Jeremie and Codie, your brother Brandon will always be in your heart, although he is not physically here with you he will always be as close as your thoughts. The sorrow that you feel will someday grow into fond memories.
Tammie and Scott, I love you and the boys very much. It breaks my heart that we are so far away and I can not be there for you and the boys. Just close your eyes and know that you Grandma Gibson has her arms around you tightly. I love you and someday soon I will be with Donnie, my beloved son and with Brandon, my beloved grandson in heaven.
Tammie and Scott my address is 712 Well Street, Elizabethon, TN 37643 and my phone number is a 423-543-6511. Please call. Grandma Gibson (Elizabethton)
he will be missed / Hans (Friend of family ) Dear Tammie, my heart goes out to you, and to everyone in the family. I knew Brandon only from the few times we went for lunch between school and bowling. He was always friendly and good-humored and a comfortable person to be with. He knew a lot and I learned some things from him about the sports scene. He seemed so mature for his age. It is a terrible loss, and I hope you are taking good care of yourself and your other sons in this difficult time. Hans (Salt lake City, UT)
it is hard to lose your first born I know! / David Swearingen (family-great uncle ) August 28, 2007 No bond is as great as that between a parent and child. My deepest condolences are with you as you grieve. Dave Swearigen (Sitka, AK)
sorry/ Bev (Friend of the family ) August 27, 2007 Dear Scott, Tammie, and Family. Our hearts go out to you in your recent loss. Words cannot express how sad we are.
Scott, I remember how proud you were the day Brandon was born. I enjoyed seeing pictures of him when I came in to stock and order Sylvania.
With Deepest Sympathy for your loss, Bev and Mike McGinnis
Thoughts and prayers go out to you / Sonia Oen (Friend of the family ) August 22, 2007 Tammie, Scott, Jeremie, Codie All of our thoughts and prayers are with you, Brandon will be missed. My memories of Brandon are all from hockey rinks, but what always impressed me most was his smile. He always smiled and stopped to chat when I spoke to him, he was willing to speak to "some lady at the rink" when most boys just said "hi" and went their way. He was a great kid and I will miss seeing him at the rink. Sonia
Sonia, Glen, Johathan and Travis Oen
sorry/ Mike (friend of family ) August 21, 2007 Scott, Tammie....Words fail me here as I've known Brandon since he was an infant. I will always remember the days I came to pick up Drew and both he and Brandon welcomed me like I was the father of both of them. I will always be forever proud of how he stood up to idiots in the crowd, how he loved the children he worked with, and how ferocious he was about his family. Please, if there is anything I can do to help, I'm just a phone-call away (and 30 miles give or take 5). My prayers are with you, your family, and with Brandon.
Mike Michael Carlson
Thinking of your family / Julie And Terry Hennessy Family (Friend) August 20, 2007 Dear Neighbor Family, Our family was very saddened to hear of the loss of your son. I have no words for the lost opportunity of Brandon to grow into manhood and your loss of watching him. We also have three children, two who have left home to pursue their adult life and one still at home. I can only imagine your grief. Thinking of your family and wishing you strength through this most difficult time.
Your neighbors up the street, Julie and Terry Hennessy