17 years 8 months and 6 days a life / Tammie (mother) It is strange to count it out and think of you on this earth in years months and days. But I did just that. I was thinking about Jeremie's B-day coming up next month and thinking that he is going to be 16 years old and how much he is really starting to look so much like you. You would not even believe it yourself if you had gone away to college and came back and saw him now.He is not the small little mouse that you left a year and a half ago Brandon. He is stronger in so many ways but lost in different ways. He could have used you around here the last year and a half for "sage advice" and and "ear" when the rest of the world seem to be crashing around him. But most of all he could really use you right now. He is misses his BIG brother, you know the one that would have been guiding him into manhood and protecting him from some of the pains that big brothers are suppose to do. You know girl pains,parents,friends and school stresses, things like that and other stuff that I and dad just "do not get". You were suppose to be here to help with all this but you are not here for him. He has to fight this teen stuff all alone just like you did and that is just not fair.He had a big brother that was suppose to already had gone through it all and know the way. I see him struggling like you and worry about him and wish that he had you to talk to so that he would know that he was not alone and that it is normal it feel depressed and it is okay to feel sad sometimes. That is is okay to want to be away from people and not want to be doing things. I am worried about him just like I was with you but I know that we are a strong family and we work together and get through it. It would just have been nice to have you here to help with him, to show him the way. It is hard because I see alot of you in him and I miss you just that much more. He has you softer side but he is now getting your explosive side too. He also has the wanting to be in everyones business. I know you both got that from your mother. SORRY!
jeremie misses you Brandon. He thinks sometimes he has to be this big boy and not show it like the rest of us but I can see it more and more. I said something "wrong" the other day when I was pulling out of and intersection by gmas house and a car was coming. "Ooops I guess I do not want to pull out now cause we do not want to end up like Brandon," Jeremie looked at my and said,"not funny,that intersection looks just like the one I was at when Brandon was hit". Ouch! I did not know what to say just drove home and let him turn the radio up. I could see in his eyes it got to him though. I did say I was sorry........
Jeremie broke up with his girlfriend. He is not happy with much right now. Hockey, school, friends. Much like you during the months of feb and March. It was always had to keep you on track in late Jan through Early March until we found out you had S.A.D. I know that is more than likely what Jeremie has too. We got some lights and I am trying to get him to use them to see if they will help. Anything to get him out of this funk he is in. He still has 2 months of hockey. Hopefully with his b-day he will get back into the swing of things. We are looking for a new truck for him. (used) The diesel does not like to run in th winter time so not sure it is a good truck for him.
I miss you like crazy just like each and everyone of us here.
Codie lights a candle in his room for you every night. He is missing you more and more as he grows. He missing playing games with you and talking to you. I know he still talks to you as I do. We need to. I know that you hear us. He feels your spirit around him and plays hockey like you are right there next to him protecting him. Sometimes I worry he gets too brave. Make sure you are with him this weekend and come by to watch over Jeremie too. They both have games this weekend. lucky for you not at the same time........:)
LOVE U. WISH we had more than the time we did but glad we had the years we did. I would not trade them for anything in the world expect for more time......
Keep coming by, Codie really need you and so does Jeremie! Love and hugs. mom
Merry Christmas / Mom
Merry Christmas my first born son. You may never really know just how much we all miss you here. During the holidays we all are just full of tears that just sit on the surface and at a moments notice can just come out. We miss you so much.Not having you here hurts us all. You were a big factor in this family. I hope that you know that we all love you BS and you are really missed here on earth. Our hearts all have hole in them where you should be. Watching Codie cry last night was so hard becasue I know that pain he feels not having you around. It was so hard to see him cry because you were not here with him. That pain is so raw, you have never felt pain like that. It hurts to the core for I lost you. But as a mom I am hurting myself for I lost a child I cry because I lost you but then I cry because my baby is hurting because he ALSO lost you. I watch him and not sure what to do.He is like me. Does not want to me touched just wants to cry. It is okay to cry. It is a good release. It helps us get it out. The good feels and the angry ones. I have a hard time watching daddy cry too. It just feels him up with pain to know he could not do anything to save you, as with me. Sometimes I think that is what we both have most in common about your accident. Anyway. I want to wish you a MERRY CHRISTMAS and let you know that I love and miss you so very much. I also want to let you know it is hard here without you. There are days I really wish you were here to help with Codie, he drives me CRAZY!!!! I love him but some daysssssss! Brandon Scott Cope you are loved and I do not eant you to forget that no matter where you are. Please know that I will try hard to hear and feel you that next coming year because I really need to be close to you. The fog is gone and I can not stand this feeling.
Love to you my son!
I often wonder / Tammie (mother)
I often wonder what things would be like if you would have not gotten in the accident at all that day but more often I think about if you would have lived through it. WHat would you be like now? Would you be the same person? Knowing you were so broken the chances of walking would have been pretty rare but you might be able to have started by now with help. BUt Would you be the same person you were? With the loss of oxgyen and all that happened to you, would you be the bright young man that you were? I often wonder on that day while you were lying there were you given a choose? DId you not like the hell that you would have had to go through and thought "NO" I can't do that to them or myself? so you just let go? I often wonder if on that day if you thought how hard it would be for us here to be without you? How much your mother would miss you, how much Frankie would miss you, your Brother and your father Y,our family and friends would all miss you? Or is it that there really is no choice and when it is "ones" time it is just "ones"there is no barging there is no way to get more time? I often wonder why you, why then, why that way? I was just to so, just so quick. THere are thousands of horrible people in the world that are in need or beening struck down but my gets hit by a car out of the blue. It Just does not SIT right with me. So many wonderful children die each year why the prisions are over filled with murders and sex offenders were is the KARMA in that? I often wonder that too. KARMA. I used to believe whole heartedly in that. But my dad died at 39 but I thought okay I still believe. But 20 years later when my son died at 17 I have a hard time believing in KARMA now. I often wonder if Brandon was in a lot of pain as he lay there or if shock really does numb it all? I often wonder what were his last thoughts? I often wonder can he hear me now? I believe he can. I just wish I could hear him like others do. I was the closest person to him and somewhere I have lost connect with my Booman. I sense him from time to time, but not like I did when he was here on earth. I often wonder what it is that I am doing wrong? Why I can not hear my son? WHy I can not feel him around me all the time. WHat is it that I am doing wrong. I often wonder if I am just crazy? I often wonder how do you keep going on in this "new "life day after day heart broken? I often wonder if I SCREAM will anyone hear me? I am broken inside and sometimes I think everyone thinks I should be fixed and I just am not. I miss my booman. I get angry but it is not fair to let anyone hear it but where does it go, inside.........
Missing you everyday of my life Brandon. You are always in my thoughts and in my heart. Please find a way to break through to this shattered broken heart and talk with me.It has been awhile since I have felt your presents. Although "your Bird" talks to you often, I wonder if I am just missing something or if he just likes calling your name. Don't be shy give us a few signs. I love you so much. As you know I OFTEN WONDER, HOW ARE YOU? CAN you sense me?, Are you with us? Do you hear me? Do YOu see the candle I light every might for you? I often wonder if you see what your bothers are up too? Do you come around and help out?I Love you. Merry Christmas my son. I miss you so. 12/25/08
I know your grief / Cheryl Young
I did not know your son but as another mother who tragically lost her son in an accident from a red light runner that is still enjoying his life - IT DOES SUCK!!
I know the days are long and the nights are endless. I know the pain and the anger!.
Brandon sounds like an awesome person and my heart aches for you and your family. I am so sorry.
You would have been 19 years old today..I picture you in college going along your merry way----that is if you were still on this earth with us.
I know you are out of pain and in a happy place. We on this earth who are left behind are feeling the pain of not having you in our physical life.
I am thankful you stop by and say hi once in a while. Let me know you are thinking of us--You must see things with such clarity as you look down and see us.
It is like you are the man in the moon, most of the time you are either on top of a wall smiling and talking to me or you just sparkle and let me know you are there. I will always keep you in my heart Brandon, my first born grandchild. In your short time on this earth you touched many lives and helps many people. in death you did the same---
We know not the reason why we go when we do, only that it is our time. In a short period of time for you will will be with you, although for us it will feel like a long time.
keep up the good work---help our hearts heal and remember we will never forget or stop loving you.
Happy Bday to you my sweet / Tammie (mom)
So your would be 19th B-day is in just one day. I am a wreck. I miss so much. U should be here to celebrate this time with us. You should be turing 19 not where you are. You should not be DEAD! It is not fair. I made a wreath for your tree and dad is going to place blue lights on it tommorrow when he gets home from Kenai. I am working on getting you a memorial road sign. It is still in review but they say it will not be a problem, so it should be up before the next year date. Then I can get a wreath out there with a photo. We have not been out to the accident site sense you were hit and killed. Too much pain for us all but when that sign goes up we will be there for that. I miss U so much Brandon.
You have done a wonderful job on Brandon's site! What an awesome way to keep his memory alive! You are in my thoughts and prayers!!
Brandon, wrap your arms around your mom and let her know that you are with her. She misses you so much and loves you that much more.
Mother of Christopher Morell
Peace/ Marcy Fritz (Grieving parents ) Wishing you peace and comfort on Friday and everyday. Marcy (Josh's mom forever)
Reminded me of u / Baby Girl (Love)
Just A Dream lyrics
It was two weeks after the day she turned eighteen All dressed in white Going to the church that night She had his box of letters in the passenger seat Sixpence in a shoe, something borrowed, something blue And when the church doors opened up wide She put her veil down Trying to hide the tears Oh she just couldn't believe it She heard trumpets from the military band And the flowers fell out of her hand
Baby why'd you leave me? Why'd you have to go? I was counting on forever, now I'll never know I can't even breathe It's like I'm looking from a distance Standing in the background Everybody's saying, he's not coming home now This can't be happening to me This is just a dream
The preacher man said let us bow our heads and pray Lord please lift his soul, and heal this hurt Then the congregation all stood up and sang the saddest song that she ever heard Then they handed her a folded up flag And she held on to all she had left of him Oh, and what could have been And then the guns rang one last shot And it felt like a bullet in her heart
Baby why'd you leave me? Why'd you have to go? I was counting on forever, now I'll never know I can't even breathe It's like I'm looking from a distance Standing in the background Everybody's saying, he's not coming home now This can't be happening to me This is just a dream
Oh, Baby why'd you leave me? Why'd you have to go? I was counting on forever, now I'll never know Oh, now I'll never know It's like I'm looking from a distance Standing in the background Everybody's saying, he's not coming home now This can't be happening to me This is just a dream
Oh, this is just a dream Just a dream Yeah, Yeah
Love you always&forever im yours
To Aaron Broflauski / Brandons Mom
PLEASE what ever it is that is making you think this way it is not worth it. If you need to talk COME TO ME. BRANDON WOULD NOT WANT YOU TO GO TO him this way. When it is your time he will be waiting for you with open arms and will party with you. Please call me or come over and talk to me. MY home number is 248-8053 my cell is 748-5398 PLEASE nothing is worth taking your life. Brandon was there for a while too but he found a light and became a happier person. You can to. REALLY. PLEASE find help or call me, I miss him too and we can talk about what you are going through. Life is hard and the world will NOT BE a better place without you. I am worried about you and I do not even know you. I just know Brandon and his love for his friends. So please, please be safe for him..... Tammie Cope mother of one hell of a wonderful son that went to soon.
brandon/ Aaron Broflauski (best friend ) hey brother i miss you i am about to take my life.. so ill see you in a few
worried/ Tammie Cope (mother)
Hey booman, this is mom. I miss you so much and I have not gotten any signs or heard anything from you so I am a little concern. Whats the deal dude?
Your little brother is have some problems that you would be prefect for right now as you went through them yourself. You could help him understand what he is going through. You could let him know that he is not lossing his mind, that it is normal pre-teen stuff. He is so forgetful and in so MANY ways JUST LIKE YOU (JLU) it almost scares me. he shuts down whan he has had enough, he does not like to be told things, he has to have warnings that things are going to change, he has to have things a certain way, Frankie comes over and helps him wtih his homework just like she use to do with you.
I am so Grateful that she is willing to help him, she does not really understand just how much her help means to him and to me but she means so much to Codie and I think it has SO SO MUCH to do with the fact that he and SHE misses YOU so much Brandon, you left your little brother and he does not know how to deal with your loss. Frankie has something and you saw that in her and now Codie sees it too and I hope that working with Codie now that she gets that LOVE of herself back that you brought out in her and made her feel. She was such a bright star around here when you were alive and she is starting to get that little spark back being in college but I can see it more when she helps Codie, that love in her eyes.
I am so worried about Codie though. He is just so forgetful. He leaves school work at school. He does not do his homework. He is not turning work in. He is just not getting things done like he normally does. He seem tried all the time and he goes to bed on time and gets up at the same time. I am worried that he may have the same thing you did with SAD. OR if your death has just finally hit him really hard now. Having your same 6th grade teacher that you did not like (they have tri teachers this year so he has to have all three teacher, BELIEVE me I did NOT want him to have ANYTHING to do with your 6th grade teacher) He is acting weird about school a lot more, he acts sick more so that he does not have to go. I am not sure if it is a act or real. I take him to the Dr and he does have a fever but not much to do about it????? so what keep him home or send him to school, I am not sure. Then on top of all this his is getting ready to get braces, he just got his spacers Monday. SO on Oct 7th he will get his Braces on. Jsut like you and Jeremie in 6th grade getting Braces on. Yeah! What fun.
The homework is so much more than what you and Jeremie had when you two were in 6th grade. I think having 3 teachers it is just too much. They all send homework home and Codie is just getting too much of it. They have had 4 big projects already and it is not even quater time. This on top of daily homework. Jeremie does not have this much homework and he is in HIGH school.
Anyway Brandon, I miss you SO SO very much and I want to say it has been hard to live here without you for all of us for the last 14 months. I always knew you oved me and I could always get you to smile and give me a hug. I miss that so much you would not believe just how much. Jeremie and Codie are not much on the hugs like you. I could really go for one these days. I miss you just cuddling up and letting me hold you no matter how big you got. You were such a momma boy. I miss you Brandon. Oh how I miss you. I miss wrestling with you and lately getting my ass kick as you were bigger than me but I did not care as long as you were still willing to hang with me. I miss you talking to me about EVERYTHING even if I thought I was getting too much information. What I would give to hear your voice or hear your rambling on right about now. This is so hard living here on this earth day in and day out with out you here. You were my baby. The world just is not the same since I held your cold hand and kissed you on the forehead at the hospital that night you died. Oh how I wish it was a tragic nightmare I would wake up from and you would be there when I wake. I miss you so my son. I miss you so.
Please look after Codie as you did in life. He really needs his big brothers guiding hands. He is so lost and is at that age that is can go either way as you well know. We will do our part as his parents a guide him to be who he should be. He will need your support too you know. Talk to him. Be there for him. Cometo him in his dreams. I know he has been talking to you. He has been lighting candles at night for you. PLEASE Brandon he needs you more than ever. CODIE NEEDS you. He loves you and you never let him down so help him now. I can not do this. Just like with you I am not the onw he needs. YOU ARE. DAMN YOU!
If you have time can you come by even if it is in a dream. A sign or two would be nice for dad and I too. We love you so much Brandon and lossing you has been such a hard thing on the family I am not sure you know just how much you are missed or how much you leaving us has hurt this family. Our love runs deep in our veins for you ,our hearts broke with the loss of you, one day we hope to see you again but until that time we will always keep you in our thoughts.
Its been a year.... / Amy Kilchenstein (old friend ) I can't believe it's been that long. I thought about calling your mom but I didn't know what to say. I guess I just wanted to make sure that your family knows that you still have friends that have not forgotten you and still think of your name DAILY. I know several people that still remember. I don't know if I ever said thank you to you for being there for me when times got tough in middle school. You were really the only person I trusted back then. And thank you for giving Zyla confidence in herself. She is so much better for having known you and so am I. Thank you Brandon. You will NOT be forgotten.
Europe!Home in 7 days! / Babie Girl (Love) I miss everything about home. but mostly family. the trip has been fun but very long. I met a girl namde BriaR shes cool i call her booboo she calls me yogi.lol. two days ago i did something i never thought id do. i repelled 100ft down a 13th century castle wall! and i have pics to prove it! i was scared out of my mind.i had a panic attack at the top. icouldnt breath i was so scared. but if i was strong enough to do that i was strong enough to do anything. so i did it just to prove to myself i could . getting over the edge was the hardest part, the reay was a breaze.about 20ft down i started doing mission impossible jumps.lol. no one expected it .it was wicked awsome fun!!!!!!!!!!! And when i reached the bottom it started to rain and i knew you were proud of me too.I love u so much and know i know what everyone has been trying so hard to convince me.I am stronger than i think and i can do what ever i dare to dream as long as i believe in myself. One more week still seems so long but im doing better know. before my grief was starting to get the best of me. i felt so alone and i missed u so much. i had to deal with the things and memories i had supressed. but its getting a little easier. i cant wait to go home and see mom and nick. i got every one cool presants codies is my favorite! im excited! oh and tell mom the calling cards i bought only work in greece so i wont be able to call till i get home 7:31pm July 23 i cant wait.I miss everyone and love u all!CIAO!
the soul knows / Tammie Cope (mother)
SO they say that the sould knows all. The conscience mind may not know or listen to the soul but then again it might. In your case you did.You knew. How is you knew? How is it that you were such a gifted person? such a out of the box thinker and knew that you were never going to see your 18th b-day? Sitting here I am wondering how it is that you were that special that you just knew it? You lived your life and enjoyed it so much. You never planned anything out past your high school years. I never understood it. I never really thought about it undtil your junior year when I was pushing you to get scholarships and trying to get you to figure out what you were going to do when you got into college. You never really talked about it too long. You sort of taked about marriing Frankie but it was just a recent talk. Maybe because you were so close to that 18 cut off. After you were gone so many people told me that you had told them IF you made it to 18 you were set in gold because you never were not going to make it. How is it you knew? Strange how you knew yourself so well. You were such an old soul. I hope you learned what you were suppose to this time around. I wish we would have had more time though. I feel I WAS ROBBED. YOu were having such a good time, enjoying your life again. Was that your thing? Frankie can not get that. She loved you totally. You loved you that way too. Why could you not just hold on for 3 months and 24 days? Why oh why my son. If you truly believed in that 18 thing. I guess your soul really did know huh?
Watching a show on montel Today June 30- 08= Silvia Browne said that the soul knows when its time is near. That is why sometimes people will set things up or will run away or will not have children or will not make a commentments because they know they will not be around for a long time. It was a wow kind of show and made me cry. It explained you so very much. YOUR SOUL just knew. It is not fair because I did not know. WE talked about so much you never said you thought you were not going to be around for long Brandon. Maybe you did and I just did not hear it because that would have hurt too bad. Getting to know you and seeing how you grew was such a pleasure. I hope that you learned something too. Or what you were here to learn.
Bless you Brandon and I hope that when I go you will be there waiting for me. But until then please make sure you are hanging around and coming into my dreams because I sure can not live in this life without knowing you are around me. It would be to hard. my heart could not take it. Love you booman.
The gifts of GoodBYE / Tammie (mother)
A lady from My GP group wrote this and I really like it. It was so true. HOW I wish for this TOO!!!!!
THE GIFTS OF GOODBYE
~ by Christine Ross in memory of Lucas Christopher Ross 1979 - 2001
If somehow I had known that day..... Was the day he was going to die And I was granted one last thing, I would ask for the gifts of goodbye.
There are so many things I would give him. The warmth of a hug, and a smile. I'd give him that one last "I love you". Then we'd sit and we'd talk for awhile.
The gift of time for a long goodbye. Sharing memories of good times we had. I'd tell him how deeply I'll miss him. How his absence will make me so sad.
I would wish him well on his journey, Have him promise to send me some signs. I'd ask him to be waiting for me And to help me until it's my time.
I'd hold him so close within my arms Until his very last breath was gone. Feeling the warmth escape his skin And knowing he didn't die alone.
Looking up I'd wave as his spirit left Knowing that only his body had died. I'd forever and ever be thankful for The wonderful gifts of goodbye.
hey/ Tammie (mother)
Summer time is here and you are not. I miss you so much. It just pulls me apart not having you here. I miss you so much. I sit and wonder waht you might have been doing right now if you were here. How I wish you were here Brandon. I miss you so very much. I cry so much still. Dad and I do not know what to do with your bike. I want to see it and he just wants to leave it where it is. I do not want ot hurt him any more than he is hurting but I need to see it. I want to see where she hit you. I just have to see it. I know that it is strange but I need to. But I just do not want to hurt your dad any more. He is having such a hard time with this. You would not even believe how much your death has hurt him. He is not the same man anymore. He is crushedHe misses you so much. I am sure you can see that where you are. I hope you "touch"him and let hi know that you care and that you lvoe your daddy as mcuh as he loves you. I know that he and you had a new friendship and I do wish you both had more time for that to have grown before you left us. Oh why did you leave us Brandon? That is just not fair. Why where you riding so damn fast that day? I begged you guys to be careful. I gave you MY cell phone, and did not want you all to stay. I did not even want to go, but you guys did. YOU knew I was scared. baby my worst nightmare came true that day you left us. I lost my baby. my first born son. Dad and I are crushed. This house is totally changed with you being gone. Oh how I wish you could just come back to us. What I would give for that.
It does not seem right that you do not get to live this wonderful life that you had planned out for yourself and all this other kids do.
They say per their investigation ,which is really the state of Alaska finaly closing the case, giving Ms. Dasiy P. the "right a way". Yes she in deed had the right a way on HER side of the road but what about the YELLOW line where she hit my son and killed him? She ended up crossing the line to TRY to avoid him only to hit him...... Yes he was coming across the road but had she just gone alone her way and maybe slowed down or went to the white line she would have missed my boy all the way around.... She was speeding and one if not two of her passengers where not seatbelted in. Did that get missed in their investigation? Did my sons death get mised in there too?
Now State Farm and Ms. Daisy P. are sueing the Parents OF Brandon Cope for almost $35,000.00. Wow. She hits and kils my son and we are to pay them. We have no insurance on the bike so we are like screwed right now....... Brandon was not 18 yet so we are the ones that have to take care of things. WE had to pay for his medical bills, his briual, loss of his bike, therepy,ect and now this. I am just in shock at State Farm. What are they thinking? This is so cold. We lost our son to this women who hit him and they want money from us? And where did she spend that kind of money in 10 months if no one was hurt and it was a little 2003 ford focus? Time for us to get a new attorney and see what we can do I guess. This hurts to the core. I would rather take this to a court room with a room full of my peers and see where the chips fall....
My Birth Day miss u so much / Codie Cope (Lil' Brother )
Hey Brandon its my birthday and every day is getting harder and harder this is just so hard today because your not here alot of things happen on special occasians theres alot of crying,anger,grief, regret and alot of other things. This is a bad experience for me but alot of people have to deal with it.I wish July 20th 2007 never ever happened because you were the soul to this family you brought us together. It seems you knew you would die that day because you were the nicest person in the whole world that day. My dog Attitude is growing but she is still small. You would like her very much i think. If you wouldnt have died you would have graduated from West then went to U.A.A then we would still not see you but it would be nice to know you graduated and your still alive having fun in your new school trying your hardest making new friends. Hey bandon we got yout diploma isnt that what you wished for. Good news you didnt have to go to graduation. I miss you very much and i'll talk to you later. I MISS YOU BRANDON AND PLEASE WRITE BACK.
Just a thought... / Kat Kilchen-german (old friend )
... for you. This poem is one of my favorites and YOU showed it to me once upon a time. I would love someone to dedicate it to me after I pass just as I am doing for you now.
Remember by Christina Rossetti
Remember me when I am gone away, Gone far away into the silent land; When you can no more hold me by the hand, Nor I half turn to go yet turning stay. Remember me when no more day by day. You tell me of our future that you plann'd: Only remember me; you understand It will be late to counsel then or pray. Yet if you should forget me for a while And afterwards remember, do not grieve: For if the darkness and corruption leave A vestige of the thoughts that once I had, Better by far you should forget and smile Than that you should remember and be sad.
I miss my Brad..... LOL my wanna-be badass. You TRULY left your mark on me and I will never forget you.